ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
