I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
