Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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