If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
This house was built for laser tag.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
