Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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