i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize