Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
