You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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