put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
