Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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