haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
