I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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