True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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