how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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