There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
