Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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