I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i think i have herpe
just one?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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