I'm jealous of your bromance
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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