btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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