Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
