Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
