weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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