I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
