dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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