i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize