Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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