cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
