windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
