Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
