I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
