Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's never too late to be topless.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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