did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
