Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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