sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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