I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
