420 ftw
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
