Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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