im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
