I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize