it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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