This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
