you lied. pity sex is amazing.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
