I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
