Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
