Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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