I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you traded sex for a burrito?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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