What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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