I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
