i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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