im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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