If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
