He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
