Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
