Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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