i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
