I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
