i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
