I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i think i just lost a toe
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
