haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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