Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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