$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
