I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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