it was like his penis was on wheels.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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