everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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