Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
