i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
