TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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